Comfortably numb…*

When you sit down, pressure yourself. but tears won’t come out. They , like that long lost hope, won’t come back. The pain cuts through your skin like a needle, bearable pain, but pierces you. They are ready to make your throat feel stuck, as if a lump has been caught inside,, but they refuse to come out, these Damned tears.
When you begin to like darkness, no you’re not a depressed hapless victim. It’s just, the solemnity , the serpentine tranquillity  the quality time with yourself seems to comfort you more than anything. when you know, everything you expect from yourself shall be given justice to. atleast your soul will not betray you, will not hurt you, and if it does,, you know you have only yourself to blame. you escape the Blame game conveniently. it’s soothing. so comforting.. like the morning sunlight that enlightens your cold body in dark winters. You feel at peace. You want to talk , vent out , take that needle out …. but no! you don’t want that, taking the needle out will hurt you more.. let it stay inside.. let it keep hurting you…. let it be in constant contact with your troubled blood.. That;s the magic of it all.. You have plethora of questions doing one of those pirouettes in your heart.. And you are not able to catch them, you are not able to contemplate what they are, you don’t know the questions, let alone the answers, You pressure yourself, the questions betray you too. You are betrayed, by everyone, and now yourself too. What a game ! And who to blame? we are deprived of that little divine pleasure of blaming others for our situation.. You become a bundle of bones and skin tied together, maybe lifeless , guile blood flowing inside too, and you don’t feel it.  you just feel Pain. the Needle. that pains you, and it becomes comforting now, the darkness becomes comforting now, the unclear fog becomes comforting, so that no one gets to know, that you are at unease with yourself, that you are fighting with yourself… The pain doesn’t go, the tears don’t come out, the questions don’t show up, the answers are lying underground somewhere, and that’s when You are at complete unease. you become numb, but Comfortably Numb* …..